Have you seen this cat?

DO NOT LET THIS CAT INTO YOUR HOUSE

It was a morning like any. I was watching the news when I heard a knock at the door. It was a fat orange cat. It said, "John, please, I have nowhere to go." Me not knowing any better, I decided I would let him stay at my place for a few days. He would call me "John" and tell me his name was "Garfonz". In the first hour, he peed on my floor, stole all my cigarettes, and ate all the food in the house. Since there was no food left, I decided I would go grocery shopping. I noticed my friend in the produce isle. I said, "Hey friend, this crazy thing happened to me today." But then he replied, "Strange, the same thing happened to me a few days ago." It was that moment I knew I was not alone. After grocery shopping, I drove back home to find a single slice of lasagna, that looked like it had been crushed or stepped on. It was then I decided to start the search for Garfonz.

PHYSICAL FEATURES INCLUDE:

• Stripes
• Dimensional Eyes
• Beard

THE CAT WILL:

• Steal your food
• Steal your cigarettes
• Pee on the floor
• Taunt you and call you names
• Leave a Slice of Crushed Lasagna when gone

THE CAT MAY:

• Start fires
• Break down barricades with an axe
• Swat your house
• Dox you

SAFETY PRECAUTIONS:

• Barricade all doors and windows.
• Hide in a small and enclosed space.
• Do not attempt to aproach or reason with the cat.

OTHER THINGS TO KNOW:

• Reported at up to 4 places at a time.
• Will reach a vegitative state once Monday is reached.
• If vegitative state reached during encounter, properly dispose of the cat.
• If encountered, pelt with pebbles until unconscious.